My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and she was petting her beer can
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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