even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
