So drunk its hurt
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
