I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
