Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
