i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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