I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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