he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
