nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
