Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
