Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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