when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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