whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
