don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
