Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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