I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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