Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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