He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
