i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
