he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
