I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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