I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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