is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
