where am i from again
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
