At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
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