You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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