it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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