I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
