I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
