the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
