Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
