My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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