I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
