I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
