Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
