even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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