I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
