If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
