Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
