awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
BRING THE BAGELS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize