We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
