we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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