you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
