My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
