and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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