Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
