dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
