'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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