2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't notice because vodka
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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