I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
