i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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