; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
