found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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