I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
