but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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