as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize