remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
