I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Even my vagina gasped.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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