Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
