I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize