he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He better not be in your backpack
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
