you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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