the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
