i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think pants incapable of making pants work
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
