i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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