no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
