Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
