I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
