that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
